Showing posts with label racism. Show all posts
Showing posts with label racism. Show all posts

Saturday, November 14, 2015


I'm gonna put my post up again that I made yesterday. I deleted it because I felt wrong about what I wrote... we are often taught that the terrorism and murders that occur in our community are normal and since it's "black on back", it's invalid. It's business as usual. Black folk simply don't care and white media brings up the victim's background and searches high and low for "proof" that we are suffering, even if the event and HISTORY was recorded on paper and camera. "Because we are taught that brown people killing brown people is not senseless; it's expected and it's normal." So many of us have really opened our eyes the past few days and I was relieved to see people across all my networks that have been saying the SAME THING.

I stayed up until about 3 am on November 13, 2015. All I read was panic, heart break, and sorrow across my social networks. But I said nothing. I said nothing because my thoughts immediately raced towards a notion that the public will most likely dismiss or even shun. Then, I started seeing posts made by the people I follow that are outspoken advocates for Black rights and social justice… as well as “regular people”. Throughout the day, I only saw two posts that got to the point without sounding insensitive and harsh, and they captured my very feelings toward the tragedy that occurred in Paris. The first one by my friend “M”:

“When will Facebook allow me to have a temporary profile picture that pays respect to the African Americans we’ve lost? Not knocking Paris and the unfortunate circumstances people are facing there (and I am most definitely praying for them) but there’s a war on African Americans right in front of our eyes and half of you changing your profile pictures didn’t flinch when my brothers and sisters were killed #GoAheadAndUnfriendMeIfThisMakesYouUncomfortable #JustKeepingIt100 “.

And another friend, “K” passionately wrote;

“Changing background pictures in support of Paris, but I NEVER see them post/change anything for any other acts of violence…I am sad that Paris seems to get more support from Americans than people who reside in this country and suffer from the actions of other Americans. #blacklivesmatter

Yasiin Bey, fka Mos Def spoke to Vibe mag:

"Yasiin Bey also encouraged those who are currently mourning over the Paris attacks to also mourn for the deaths happening stateside, including that of Tamir Rice and other unarmed victims of police brutality.

“The state kills children and say that they’re justified in murdering children. They kill unarmed people and say that they’re justified in doing it. I need everybody who’s sad about Paris to be just as sad and angry about Tamir Rice and all of these young, innocent people dying over nothing.”

I hope those who are reading this understand that these messages from the heart are no way, shape, or form dismissing or downplaying what happened in Paris, Lebanon, Japan, Mexico, Kenya in April, and everywhere else in this world… No one’s saying it’s not important/tragic or not as important/tragic. People were murdered. PEOPLE were EXECUTED. Lives were taken away. What happened was savage and disgusting…

And this is not a criticism towards those who think people can’t focus on one topic at a time. People can suffer and mourn various different tragedies that occur around the world simultaneously, so let’s trash that notion. Yes, there are times where certain events do get more attention than others. But odds are you know about various events but the media tends to push just one or two stories in your face. This is why we urge people to look towards independent media and media created and catered to the people that represent them.

These messages here are talking about how it saddens, no, ANGERS us that lots of (Black) people, online or in person, NEVER or SELDOM mention anything about the terrorism and oppression Black and Brown and Indigenous bodies face here every day, on all fronts whether it’s due to poverty, racism, police misconduct, violence within the community, environmental racism etc… not one word of acknowledgment in solidarity, understanding, or even support towards the issues we face regionally, nationally, and globally.. and then turn around and ONLY “support” others outside of the community. Just sayin…

I'd like to add another comment that a gentleman, "A", wrote on someone else's post, that ties to my last paragraph:

"This was my thought process: I felt the same exact way. Then I thought to myself... I sound like the #Alllivesmatter people. Then I thought again... No, I dont. Because Alllivesmatter people ignore people of color and a legitimate racial bias where as I fully understand and believe that all lives matter but some are treated worse than others. Just as in this case. Larger death tolls and more devastation but ignored because its poor black and brown people."

I'd like to end on this.
Prayer and faith without works is dead. So yes, if you pray, PRAY, but see how you can take action as well. Go harder with your works so you can make a difference in any way you see fit.

End selective grief and outrage.

Anti-Blackness is global. White supremacy is global, and it is the problem.

Heal the world. Peace

Thursday, October 1, 2015

It seems as if people still don't fully understand this movement that is going on. Black Lives Matter and other organizations were created in order to combat police brutality and the murders of unarmed blacks that were a result of racism (among other agendas that I don't know).

But people still try to challenge this by saying "what about black on black crime??"
Listen. Like I've said before... Communities that have a general majority of the same ethnic background will have crime. So if you want to argue black on black crime, please do include white on white crime.

And there are hundreds of organizations that are fighting both intraracial violence, as well as police brutality and murders caused by racism.
 
The fight against police brutality exists because we were all taught the police ate here to "protect and serve". But it just seems as if non-PoC are being protected. Were just being targeted and being marked as suspicious, and in lots of cases, it ends badly because God knows what (but we know its due to various BS reasons).

And there is no war on police. There's this rumor going around that were targeting police because they've been so violent to us. Nope. If there was a war, we would see NUMBERS of police being killed on or off duty that would reach or match the number of unarmed black people murdered by police.

And one last time: saying All Lives Matter is disrespectful and it deflects the very painful reality that we are not being protected by the very system we built. Black Lives Matter is here because we are disproportionately targeted and killed by the hands of those who are supposed to protect us and those who enforce the law. There's no question that all lives matter, but if that was so, black lives matter wouldn't have been created. If you think the slogan is ONLY Black Lives Matter, you need to really get it together lol. The media is making it look like that's what it is, but it's not. K?

Saturday, August 22, 2015

Racism/White Supremacy Can Aide in Depression/Anxiety

I didn’t realize my depression and anxiety could be linked to all that I’ve been seeing, hearing, and experiencing in reference to all of the attacks on Black lives. At first, and of course, my issues were born via personal situations. But then I realized, starting from the Ferguson tragedy, my sleeping problems became worse and I was more stressed out. Then it kept happening, over and over again after the murders that followed suit. So PERSONALLY, the various instances of racism and the effects of white supremacy AND my various personal trials and tribulations that I have faced in the past year are the cause of my pain.
So, if you’re like me and didn’t think that racism/white supremacy can jump start or aid in the mental health issues you’ve been facing, think again.

Oh, and I also learned about what environmental racism is.
Hey world.

So as you can see, I just put up like 4 random posts out of the blue... a whole year after my last post.

I completely neglected this blog.

I was going thru so many personal issues that I basically gave up on everything.

But within the past year or two, I've become involved with social justice and activism, so the tone of my posts may be a lot darker than what is already up here.

I've shared my thoughts on lots of different topics via facebook and instagram, and tumblr as well, but of course I'd get little to no responses or I'd just get completely ignored.

And I know on here that I have -3 followers, so for sure my posts won't get any attention now.

But maybe this could serve as an online journal of sorts.

I wanted to start this as a music blog, then a poetry blog, then maybe a blog about social justice. I decided to make it all of that and more, because it's my blog lol.

So I'm going to try my best and put up my thoughts and ramblings on here, so I can get my ideas and feelings out and not go crazy.

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Back to my whole "personal issues" jawn. I was reluctant to share what was going on, but hey... maybe it could help me or someone else. So here ya'll go:

Long story short, on September 11, 2014, I tripped and injured my ankle. Two days later, I traveled all the way from my college to back home, at a hospital downtown (with my mom). The shady doctor dismissed my agony and since all I got was an X-Ray (1st mistake), she just said I had a sprain and sent me off with a too-small boot and an air cast. No crutches.

Next thing you know, a week later I was in so much pain that I had to borrow crutches from my school's Health Services.

THEN, THREE FRIGGIN MONTHS LATER, STILL IN EXTREME PAIN after going back and forth to my doctor, I finally got an MRI and they saw I had a torn calcaneofibular ligament in my right ankle.

Great.

Sooooo I got referred to an orthopedic, and he put me in a fiberglass cast for 3 weeks. Nothing got better. So, then I had to get surgery. That was in February 2015. 3 weeks after surgery, I was to get physical therapy. Since I was at my college in West Narnia (lol), it would be difficult. No one was willing to drive me anywhere for physical therapy 3x a week. I don't have a license, nor car, nor would I actually be able to drive. So 4 weeks before my semester was over, we found a place that had free transportation. The only issue was that the co pay was so friggin expensive that I could only go to PT once a week, and not 3 times like I was supposed to.

So lemme back up: I waited approx 2 months after surgery to get PT. BAD!!!

And after school ended, I had to find another place. I did eventually. But 2 weeks before my PT ended, I started getting sharp pains in my ankle. I got another MRI but that came out good... and I was forced to give up my crutches and the boot I had begged for since I was still experiencing pain.

That was in June? I believe. I dunno.
So now I'm "walking", but I'm still in pain. And I'm not back in PT yet.

All the while this garbage is happening to me, I started struggling in college. I was a junior when all this happened.

Because I was in pain for so long, that I didn't know what was happening with my ankle, that depressed me. The pain... ugh... day and night, and then the added pain on my arms and whole dang body from the crutches and putting all my weight on my left leg just ruined me.
Plus the fact that I felt like a lot of people started to get annoyed and aggravated because they didn't feel like helping me. So I often struggled doing things on my own... then eventually stopped doing certain things and going to vital places because I was incapable of doing it myself.

So being so loney and feeling neglected from my "friends" made me more depressed.

My schoolwork took a MAJOR hit. I was doing "meh" my Fall semester, but Spring semester was down the toilet. I had to drop 2 classes, barely passed one with a C+, and the last one I had to do an incomplete for, and I still have yet to do that work. Every time I got homework, I would push it off until the last minute, and just give up completely. I barely did homework. I also became extremely dissatisfied and uninterested with my major, and I wanted to change it, but I had no idea what I would change it to since I'm not good at anything. I have no skills. Plus I am going to be a senior, and I didn't want to push myself back even more.

And add the fact that I had family issues in terms of finances, health problems between me and family/tons of deaths in the family in a short period of time, and not being able to see my dad when I needed made it even worse.

I was having panic attacks, heart palpitations, nausea, headaches, sleeping even worse and I wasn't enjoying life anymore.

So I started going to counseling/therapy in March at my school. That helped a lot actually.

My counselor and my academic advisor and a few friends suggested I either take a leave during that semester, or for the Fall 2015 semester coming up. I said I'd think about it.

About a month ago, at my doctor's office, I requested for an EKG since my heart palpitations were becoming more frequent and I just felt like I was going to die.

They came out fine...

But my doc figured out I was having the PHYSICAL symptoms of depression. She said something that I would have never been able to figure out: that I actually COULDN'T do my work. I was depressed! And when you are depressed, you just aren't yourself and you can actually be so down that the things you know are important just can't get done.

Mind *blown*

But then she suggested I take the semester off, get more therapy, and see how I do.

So my mom and I finalized my leave for the semester, and we're still looking for a therapist.

I need a job too... hopefully I find something that suits me. My anxiety has been getting worse and the last thing I want to do is work a register or answer phones all day.

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I also realized this (which I'm going to make a post of its own):

Racism/White Supremacy Can Aide in Depression/Anxiety!

I didn’t realize my depression and anxiety could be linked to all that I’ve been seeing, hearing, and experiencing in reference to all of the attacks on Black lives. At first, and of course, my issues were born via personal situations. But then I realized, starting from the Ferguson tragedy, my sleeping problems became worse and I was more stressed out. Then it kept happening, over and over again after the murders that followed suit. So PERSONALLY, the various instances of racism and the effects of white supremacy AND my various personal trials and tribulations that I have faced in the past year are the cause of my pain.

So, if you’re like me and didn’t think that racism/white supremacy can jump start or aid in the mental health issues you’ve been facing, think again.

Oh, and I also learned about what environmental racism is.

I want to find a therapist that looks like me. Because ain’t no way I’m mentioning this to someone who doesn’t look like me AND thinks we’re the savages. Not today, not ever.

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And in conclusion, I want to share with you a Tumblr post I made during one of my low, low nights, on June 5. I was extremely vulnerable and straight up upset. This is basically a summary of all I said above:

"What am i good for. i have no skills. i used to write poetry but never wanted to do anything with it. i hate public speaking/get tongue tied when speaking to regular people. i can’t verbally get my thoughts across without feeling stupid. i can’t play instruments. i can’t sing. i can’t dance. i don’t play sports. i’m not a tech expert. i get ignored in basic conversations. people don’t care about my views. i had to drop 2 classes, do an incomplete in 1 class, and got a C+ in the only class i completed this past semester. the one before that, was shit too, but slightly better. my ankle is still injured since Sept and I’m kinda upgraded to using one crutch. i don’t know how to do hair. i’m not good in math or science. i don’t remember any technicalities in english if i had to tutor someone. i’m a picky eater. i have year round allergies. i have a high prescription and wear glasses. i guess im beautiful. im a music industry (now music production) major in college but i have no equipment and have never had any hands on experience until now. im 21. im interning at a studio and struggling trying to make a beat. i dont even think i like this industry since i changed my concentration and got a C+ in Music Production Technology right after I decided that would be my concentration. so i might have been a waste of time to change it. i have nothing to rely on. i dont know how to do anything. i aint shit".

*Sigh*

Friday, August 21, 2015

Institutional Racism in Schools

I could've been a chess grandmaster. But St. Leo's in Irvington, NJ (my elementary and middle school) either fired the teacher or he left... and no one cared to get anyone else after that. So that meant Mesha lost one of her favorite pastimes.

My opportunities there were lost...

A lot of children who live in urban environments and go to inner city schools have, unfortunately, suffered the same fate. My case is no different than other children's lost or undeveloped talents.

It's just as if I wanted to learn about music, but my inner city school cut the arts program out.

Just as if I were an athlete but they had to fire the coach or didn't have enough equipment.

Just as if I wanted to learn about current events, but my school couldn't afford books after 1996 or didn't have enough books for all students to take them home to do homework.

Just as if I were just a child in class, distracted from the class topics because I'm worried about going home since mommy couldn't buy groceries this week.

Just like the child who may be going through an extremely rough home life and does not know how to express themselves verbally or is just straight up disinterested in class, and does poorly in standardized testing, so the teacher puts them into remedial or special ed classes.

Just like the child who may have been aggressive, so the teacher neglects their needs and thus the school to prison pipeline begins for that child.

Institutional racism works in many intricate ways. Our inner city schools are under funded for many reasons, but I also believe that THAT is a big factor. ‪#‎institutionalracism‬ ‪#‎schooltoprisonpipeline‬ ‪#‎giveusachance‬

http://racism.org/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=1167:education02-3&catid=49&Itemid=172

http://www.usnews.com/news/blogs/at-the-edge/2015/05/06/institutional-racism-is-our-way-of-life