Musical Self Reflection

I have gone through three significant phases of having a favorite music. The first phase, and the phase that allowed me to seek knowledge of other genres of music, was Classic Rock. As a young African American girl attending a small inner city Catholic high school in predominantly Black Newark, NJ, that was pretty odd. I had a handful of friends who were into Rock in high school, so they were my primary influence into getting into Rock music. My friends told me that listening to Classic Rock REALLY helps them get their history homework done, so that’s what I started doing. I ended up liking a few songs and buying them for myself. Classic Rock came to me in kind of a strange way. Besides having a handful of friends who were into that and Alternative Rock, I still barely paid it any attention, besides the fact that I loved the band Paramore. One day in my religion class during sophomore year, my super cool teacher Mr. Gambone had us write down a list of 25 of our favorite songs for some reason I don’t remember. I got excited and listed down my favorites. It was a list of vastly different genres, and I took pride in that. After I read my list aloud, my teacher, Mr. Gambone, freaked out. His jaw hit the floor once he heard me read Led Zeppelin’s “Fool in the Rain”, a few Jimi Hendrix songs, and about two or three prominent Rock musicians’ songs. He told me I should go tell our principal about me liking Led Zep and Jimi, because he has a collection of their discography that he is sure he would love to give me. I was like “…. okay” and Mr. Gambone actually ended taking me to Mr. Cuddihy, our principal, himself. He excitedly told Mr. Cuddihy about my list, and Mr. Cuddihy got excited too. He told me to come back after school so he can give me copies of four Led Zeppelin albums, and a Jimi Hendrix compilation CD. I told my parents about my awesome day, and my father laughed and made sure to thank my principal and teacher the next day when he took me to school.

My second phase was and still is the music I listen to the most now. I discovered Hip Hop right when I was about to give up on it. I have always hated mainstream Hip Hop, because of my dad. He used to DJ and produce House music, and he was the first person in my life to leave a musical influence on me. Whenever he would turn on the radio, he would quickly get irritated because the music that would be on the radio usually sounded the same and had little to no lyrical quality and was either vulgar or senseless. I began to understand what he meant as I got older. I did try to get into mainstream Pop and Hip Hop music when I got into high school, but I gave up quickly because the music did not allow me to connect to it and I the only emotion I had while listening to it was anger. It was just boring to me. As time went on, I started to discover older Hip Hop acts. I also discovered a few underground and Alternative Hip Hop. I did not know Hip Hop had a past that was so rich with history and knowledge! Once I started learning about Hip Hop’s past, I fell in love. I gravitated to the older recordings, specifically to Hip Hop of the 1990’s. The was the music was created through sampling, the way emcees/rappers would speak on their records, and all of the knowledge some of the emcees would give to the listeners hit my heart. There was an exact day that I fell in love with Hip Hop music, too. It was December 26, 2011, the day after Christmas. This was during my senior year of high school, and I was 17 years old. I got a couple of iTunes gift cards for Christmas and was itching to buy some new music. I decided to try and get some good Hip Hop songs or albums and add to my growing interest of “real” Hip Hop music. (I was introduced to “real” Hip Hop the year prior; Aesop Rock’s song “None Shall Pass” changed my life and encouraged me to look for more lyricists.)

I Googled things such as “alternative hip hop” and “best hip hop songs of all time” to see what gems I could dig up. I went on a bunch of random sites and saw a common thing: Common Sense (who now just goes by Common)’s song “I Used to Love H.E.R.” It was listed on many different sites as one of the greatest Hip Hop songs ever. I HAD to check it out. I proceeded to look at the Wikipedia article for the song. I read yet again about its prominence in the genre. Then, I glanced at something that said the song held a double meaning. He raps as if he is speaking about a lost love, but really, he is talking about Hip Hop. I shouldn’t have read on!! I have a tendency to ruin things for myself. I went on ruining things by reading the lyrics before I thought of listening to the song. I read, and felt “meh” about it. Love song with an interesting twist… but THE LAST LINES OF THE SONG! What?? He’s talking about Hip Hop? (I finally understood that Wiki article, sort of).

          

  I quickly decided to actually listen to the song. I went on YouTube and searched “Common I Used to Love Her”. First thought: “Sheesh this vid is so old and grainy and low quality!” But I enjoyed it very much. I loved the visuals and loved how it was an actual video, not some la di la in a big room with a green screen and other “music video” clichés. Then I started really listening. I truly enjoyed the music! The piano was soothing, the guitar was smooth, the drums were TIGHT, and the bass. THE BASS. Now, I’m a sucker for bass lines. I think I started bobbing my head. His flow, the way he rode the “I Used to Love H.E.R.” beat, was all too cool. His words dove into the track with pure grace. I loved how connected his voice was to the music. During the while, I tried to pay close attention to the lyrics; I was drawn in. Hearing him actually say the words was more impactful than reading them. During my listen, I was impressed. It was a typical love song, but at the same time, it wasn’t. The way he spoke and the words he rapped were different than anything else I’ve heard. Listening to the lyrics was also sad, because his first love, from whom he know from age 10, basically became someone who changed herself for popularity. Then… we get to the end of the song. That last line. 

“But I’ma take it back y’all and let this _ stop/ ‘cause who I’m talkin’ ‘bout, y’all, is HIP HOP”

I was mesmerized. I just knew I had to play it again. I was in trouble now. I found an actual song that made all the sense in the world. I was “grounded”, and my punishment was to find even more music like this. December 26, 2011. The day my life changed. I now had a favorite song of all time. I now have a song that expressed all of my feelings towards a genre that I thought I knew, but didn’t. This was the only time in my life I truly vividly remember a moment in my musical memory. This was significant because this was the very song that introduced me to a genre that I had initially turned my back on.

The Hip Hop band The Roots also helped me fall in love with Hip Hop music. They are an actual band of musicians from Philadelphia that was created in 1987 and released their first album in 1993. I also discovered The Roots via a Google search for “alternative hip hop”.  What made them stand out to me was the fact that they were a band that played Hip Hop music! I had no idea that the two can be combined. The Roots showed me that you should never let anything restrict you from doing what you love. Once I heard a few songs of theirs when I was about 15, I became hooked. I ended up collecting their whole discography over time. They became my first favorite musicians, group, and band (because there are major differences between the three in Hip Hop music). I loved how innovative they were, and how they challenged themselves on every album and in every show. They are known for their amazing live shows, and have been said to be one of the greatest live acts of all time in music. The founders of The Roots, Black Thought the emcee and Questlove, the drummer, are one of the greatest in the genre. Black Thought is usually put into the list of “All Time Greatest” for emcees/rappers and Questlove is known for being a tastemaker and continuously impressing fans and peers with his talent. The Roots are now on the Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon, which was a great move for them and for Hip Hop. This allowed people to see that The Roots are absolutely a household name and that Hip Hop is more than just hits. The Roots do not make music for attaining hits, they create albums for an experience. They have critical acclaim rather than star status.

Questlove became my all time favorite musician because of the way he is able to craft albums and shows with ease. Questlove is also responsible helping me fall into my third phase of my favorite music: Neo Soul. Not many Neo Soul musicians actually like that term, but many fans love to use that term to differentiate them from regular R&B acts. Neo Soul is a genre that has musicians who truly appreciate the Soul and Jazz music of the past. They create music that encompasses those two genres as well as include Hip Hop grooves, as well as include lyrics that are more personal and more in tune to social issues. Questlove, a long with a few more of my favorite musicians, created a Neo Soul and Hip Hop group called the Soulquarians. The Soulquarians are responsible for a few albums that were recorded in Jimi Hendrix’s Electric Ladyland studio between 1996-2003. Some of the albums were The Roots’ Things Fall Apart, D’angleo’s Voodoo, Erykah Badu’s Mama’s Gun, Bilal’s First Born Second, Mos Def’s Black on Both Sides, Common’s Like Water for Chocolate and a handful of others. The Soulquarians helped establish Neo Soul and were a collective of like-minded musicians, singers, and rappers that had a knack for their craft and a passion for true music from the soul. They loved offbeat rhythms and irregular chords, and Motown. Although the Soulquarians did not put out an official Soulquarians and are not exactly working on music together as the official collective, they still live on and helped spin off a well loved genre.

The Soulquarians and The Roots, as well as a few Jazz musicians, also helped me find my favorite musical instrument, which is the Fender Rhodes. They incorporate the Rhodes in almost every song and album they have ever made. The moment I found out that it was the Rhodes that was creating that beautiful melody that sounded like it was coming from a weird piano, I told myself I don’t want to learn how to play the piano until I get my hands on a Rhodes. The sound of the Rhodes smacks me in the face and encompasses my head in such a way I cannot explain.

The one song I would program for an “end of the world” ceremony has to be The Roots’ “Make My” from their 2011 album Undun. Undun is a concept story told in reverse chronological order. It is based on the unfortunate tale of a fictional young Black male, Redford Stevens, who subsequently walked down the wrong path. The beginning of the album represents his death and the very end represents his struggles living as a Black man trying to survive. On “Make My”, the third track, Stevens is in the throes of death. The end of the song includes an instrumental coda, signifying the death of Stevens. The listener is brought into a sonic whirlwind with the complexity of a rolling synth bass and “oooh’s” of the piano synth. The coda signifies Redford Steven’s “departure from the world” (this phrase is a part of the hook of the song). The music and the lyrics capture the pain and agony that Stevens is enduring while he is dying. It is a dark, somber piece, and it captures the essence of what happens when one is at the end of the road and on the brink of death. I find that it would be the perfect song for the end of the world!

I feel that I have finally come to understand who I am and what I like and love. I am at a place where I do not have to explain to people why I do and don’t like certain types of music. I don’t have to explain to people that “I just don’t like Pop music” or “I just can’t get into Country” and “I don’t care for EDM”. Just because I don’t like these genres doesn’t mean I am a bad person. I’m just a person who simply doesn’t want to hear those genres. I’m my own little person and I deserve to have my own opinions. I have never told a person that they were weird or strange for liking a certain kind of music, because I’ve been there. I’ve been criticized for liking what I like, and it truly does hurt being virtually the only person who listens to certain genres or artists. You feel that you are alone in your tastes and you will never have anyone to talk about your passions with. This is why I always encourage people to love what they love, even if I don’t love it. Yes, I wouldn’t want to hear it, but I will never criticize someone for their tastes. I believe this says that I am a person who continues to understand that humans are completely complex creatures. My musical identity is strictly unique to me and only me. There will never be another Mesha who is obsessed with The Roots the way I am. My musical identity is made up of random bits and pieces that come together and say “she loves left of center music that speaks on social issues and is built from the inspiration of past musicians and the future of self expression”.